Invasion of the body doubles

So the other day I find myself in HMV of all places looking frantically for anything that could resemble a present. Only when there I noticed one thing. There seemed to be an invasion of 'quality' action films by the heavyweight (emphasis on the weight) of action Steven Seagal. Now it is a sad day to see the shelves stocked with these sort of films. This actor occasionally produces some adequate films that I can connect with. If it weren't for Under Siege I would trust every cook I see with no fear of getting my face blown apart by what seems to be a mix of whiskey, cillit bang and a pan scrubber.

Yet the problem is that one good film doesn't make all the other shite they release any good. Every actor has that one bad film like the motherfucking classic Snakes on a Plane for Jackson but its a sad day when an actor is defined by the amount of crap they produce. Alone Seagal has released more bile than a bulimic at a pie eating contest. So when will he stop? Thats hard to say. He's had films set on boats, planes, trains, submarines etc. If it moves it can be made into a plausible film setting apparently.

If we look past this there comes the issue of age. Sure he might be an aikido master but there comes a stage when you should throw in the towel. But no in an attempt to look cool he brings in the rappers, explosions and body doubles. You'd have at least thought he'd attempt to get people who actually look like him but by the looks of things the producers either can't be arsed to find someone or they believe an angry midget could be his twin (hey they attempted it in Twins.)

Thing is who would even buy these DVDs. When I was there a mass of frenzied consumers weren't clawing at the windows eager to sink their teeth into the latest exploits of an ex CIA morris dancer. Hell they were more interested in the blood pressure machine outside. So instead we get shelf after shelf of samey looking DVD covers all with our 'tough guy' trying to look menacing though in reality he looks more like he's in desperate need of a shit.

All in all Seagal should give it a rest. While in his earlier films he could do stunts now he can barely open his mouth without his insides escaping. I would say he should evolve into doing more serious roles though that would require the ability to act. So if you are one of those few who are interested in buying Seagal films which seem like one big improv then I ask you why? You could pay me £15 to pound your head in with a sack of house bricks and I guarantee it'll be a better way to spend your evening. Actual experience may vary.